say Nothing

i hate the weekend.

last weekend my sister and her roommate went camping outside cell phone territory. so i was certain roommate had gone into a blind rage with loaded firearms and totally murdered my best friend.

last night C.J.'s light was on but he, Pig Dog and the car were all AWOL. so of course i was certain at least 5 drunk driving, text messaging, makeup applying douchebags had had convened on one poor defenseless SUV and totally man/dog slaughtered my best friend.

if you're not at work and you don't text me back or answer i will be forced to assume you're dead.

the weekend before last both my little brothers didn't come home. little sis still hadn't moved in. and mom and C.J. had normal adult lives to lead. so i locked every gate to keep Shar Pei thieves away from Luther and crossed my fingers nothing Luther couldn't destroy came after me and Little Man. unfortunately some sort of acid flashback kicked in and i was alone in the house with my son who had become some sort of disarmingly adorable, somewhat unsettling Muppet. mommies must make sure that evening glass of wine and afternoon painkiller don't overlap so much....

this weekend i'm on house arrest with no visitors allowed. chemo ate all my white blood cells and now the common cold could make my head fall off or something. hadn't really been getting out much at all lately but knowing i can't has created a prison of my home which already shelters the prison of my body. now i'm all caught up on that coloring i've been meaning to get to. still have a few mixtapes to craft but making a 45 adapter out of a paperclip is not something even NASA could remedy. but all of this is not enough to occupy my multitasking waitress brain. not even when i throw in diapering, feeding and dressing up baby man. i really need my life away from Max to not be limited to altercations with DES and chemotherapy.

and now cable has failed me again. Extreme Home Makeover cry-fest bullshit. this rerun features a single dad trying to rebuild his hurricane attacked home when he goes to the doctor and gets NON-HODGKIN'S lymphoma.

for 3 sweaty ICU days it really looked like my friendly little non-lethal Hodgkin's lymphoma was actually the mega-deadly other lymphoma. whew.

this single dad ends up back in the hospital while Ty Pennington and his vanilla band of designers build some ridiculously wonderful home for his family and the doctors aren't sure he'll make it to the weekend to see it. like i have anything to whine about. i get to get better. i get to stay well. i get to live. and i get Max.




Heath Ledger is still dead. nothing can change that.