even when i'm okay i'm not. if i feel a fraction of how i've ever felt before it only reminds me how painfully painfully small my life has become. if i consider that eventually everything will start to fill up the widescreen of dreaming, my breath catches. i am afraid. i can never ignore my health again. i can't trust my youth. i can't trust my body. when i get better i get to look for cancer every year. i am really really afraid.
and sometimes i feel better. and then things that are supposed to happen can. and then they can't. and this has to continue for the rest of the summer that hasn't started yet.
i am counting the days til Christmas because i was confident i'd be well by then. but i will always, always be afraid.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hi Carlee if you are awake at 10 and have nothing better to do, you should listen to my Soggy Show !!! Or if not tonight, you could listen to it archived after the fact. :) I highly recommend this particular one :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you are feeling good right now.
Cheers,
Smog