cancer patience

when i leave this fortress of solitude is when i will know what i've learned. i'm afraid i know too much to ever be casual again. but i can't wait to get out there because i don't think anyone can hear me from here. nothing will be the same no matter where i go. i read somewhere that all cancer patients have post-traumatic-stress-disorder.

how many fresh fruit smoothies do i have to eat before i'm healthy again?!

uncool is the new cool

what kind of Belushi does this guy think he is anyway?

i love just two things- everyone and television

the thing about getting better is that now i have to start accounting for what i do and say and get out of bed because i'm not sick i'm just depressed.

i never felt like i fit until i started being everyone's best friend. i crash coursed myself into the center of things without ever actually feeling comfortable and accepted and exhaling. if i had sat still i would have noticed that i still didn't match anyone. and i probably never will.

especially now that i add all these hyphenates to myself. girl-waitress-DJ-writer-singer-...cancer survivor... mother. and not just any mother, Max's mother. so just when i was almost convinced i was like anyone, that my fur might fit in with a pack,

... i realize i am luminous. sticking out like a sore thumb again.

Max's lullaby

you are my little guy
the brightest apple of my eye
i could bake you into a pie
but then i'd have to eat you

your ears stick out from your head
and you fart when you're in my bed
and you nearly made me dead
but i had to meet you

you'll always be by my side
because i'll seek you when you hide
you're my joy and you're my pride
that is why i need you
i had to meet you
and i'll never eat yoooooooou

just kids

being around Max all the time reminds me of my first baby boy... Jesse Lee my little brother. Sara is as much my partner in crime now as she was when we were spoiling baby Jesse just to glimpse his dimples.

i had forgotten how much fun it is being Big Sis.