tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81551498787602881222024-03-21T05:09:31.951-07:00Alchemy is Real.every single thing is life or death and some things are both. Why Not Me? and also Why Not You? i couldn't have done this without you. i can't do this without you. alchemy is real and it takes a village.crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-10032641176106758972012-06-14T19:13:00.000-07:002012-06-14T19:13:01.115-07:00think pink. think lovely.don't worry.
don't hold your breath.
don't stop believing.
time is ripe.
ALL IS IN BLOOM.
HARVEST MOON IS RISING.
(fingers crossed)crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-55011259786268763922012-05-19T06:57:00.000-07:002012-06-14T19:07:22.786-07:00dreams done come true/dreams are for the sleepingi do. of course i do.
i wish i knew what Max dreams. he is 2. he is anxious. who wouldn't be? but he's never afraid.
magick is afoot and we built it. we are building on it. we are adding.
Max's big toenail is curly like a cashew. his teeth are a child-size string of pearls. his eyes are chocolate. when he runs he goes as much up and down as he goes forward.
he has the best Dad. he navigates the twin weather-vanes of Max and i as we spin like tops everyday.
just another perfect nuclear family :)crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-72191534791410552262011-04-08T08:52:00.000-07:002011-04-08T09:07:02.120-07:00chant and humMax is trying to hold hands with the dogs.<br /><br />Max is hooting and hollering at his books.<br /><br />Max is listening to secrets whispered in his ears.<br /><br />Max is making a mess.<br /><br />Max is banging a drum.<br /><br />Max is playing air guitar, his fingers curling around invisible frets.<br /><br />Max is getting cactus stickers in between his toes.<br /><br />Max is watching the Cosby show.<br /><br />Max is eating bubbles and fried chicken. <br /><br />Max is real! Max is singing! <br /><br />Max is ready to go outside...crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-13263845312987143002011-03-28T12:12:00.000-07:002011-03-28T12:24:13.633-07:00XX/XX + XX/XXY = XXOOgirls talk- about boys. about each other. about other girls. about other girls' boys. <br /><br />girls talk.<br /><br />girls like, Noxema, ultra light 100 cigarettes, sugar-free bubble flavored chewing gum, Finesse shampoo and conditioner, big cars, boys, each other, other girls, other girls' boys.<br /><br />when it's just us girls, it's just fabulous.<br /><br />when it's just us it's better. <br /><br />VIVA GIRLHOODcrickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-11948181363654329962011-03-25T09:47:00.000-07:002011-04-04T11:39:41.391-07:00shiny time station<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj50xCSU0URHj30izSnRtYg3gm8JOeDX_RhhnJgdyuUIoCzh4RpuqcNR9vOr8e8UHvKQjPU7BssarOf7aEUXrjZAYUaC839jBn-bg6XtVkyescVNpcLat5RZXIpC5LsUmOxaoXbhMA6oS_B/s1600/100_2356.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj50xCSU0URHj30izSnRtYg3gm8JOeDX_RhhnJgdyuUIoCzh4RpuqcNR9vOr8e8UHvKQjPU7BssarOf7aEUXrjZAYUaC839jBn-bg6XtVkyescVNpcLat5RZXIpC5LsUmOxaoXbhMA6oS_B/s400/100_2356.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5588060438919055282" /></a>crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-20982802748300340502011-02-27T06:18:00.001-08:002011-02-27T06:31:45.541-08:00save your swoons, i'm spoken for.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy5S_JPW68WvHb5D2vPRxmR9N53Q2JfxntT4E49C1pyrRqCOSUCQeQj6-aRcibS1sV5qLMLozJb21SBGYeGnn6dbDRositDLBLtBYbEwXcJ6gsGlANRgOAhyphenhyphenLXQIVPqmY8E0QU7J07uyB1/s1600/040100_1725%255B01%255D.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy5S_JPW68WvHb5D2vPRxmR9N53Q2JfxntT4E49C1pyrRqCOSUCQeQj6-aRcibS1sV5qLMLozJb21SBGYeGnn6dbDRositDLBLtBYbEwXcJ6gsGlANRgOAhyphenhyphenLXQIVPqmY8E0QU7J07uyB1/s400/040100_1725%255B01%255D.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5578376915357934434" /></a>crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-65503481668459579262011-02-20T17:49:00.000-08:002011-02-20T18:14:17.036-08:00trust meeverything you think, i know<br />i draw the Death card every single day<br />(i just un-bury the rest of me)<br /><br />everything you dream, i did<br />the Hanged Man's a pinata anyway<br />(the blood runs from the rest of me)<br /><br />everything you feel, i feel<br />some brand new Lovers have nothing to say<br />(someone's still getting the best of me)crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-25147148169364025602011-02-06T08:30:00.000-08:002011-02-06T08:37:23.475-08:00this will be our year. took a long time to come.year of cat/rabbit is here and means a time to catch my breath and exhale it. and while i will never learn to bite my tongue, my teeth won't leave my bottom lip. <br />(it's important)<br />max fell asleep with his cheek on my neck, nestled up, like the scar is where he came from. <br />if i lose any more teeth i'll be goddam pirate.<br /><br />i can't relax til you like me back.crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-37013613855024045982011-01-18T15:32:00.000-08:002011-01-18T15:45:08.886-08:00your ignorance gives me vertigoit is dizzying,<br />your clueless guts<br />that is.<br /><br />sometimes i wish everyone would just find a tumor<br />and grow up already.<br /><br />my life lives outside the scope of imagination.<br />how could you understand?<br />try.<br />try your hardest.<br /><br />i love you.crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-49552933909333247282010-12-16T18:52:00.000-08:002010-12-16T19:00:59.422-08:00i stil smoke cigarettesmy scar is over a year old.<br />the best year of my life.<br /><br />if i am staring off into space i am mostly praying.<br /><br />a year to the hour after i was coming out of surgery<br />i was stopped by a funeral procession.<br />a long line of cars<br />not for me<br />still.<br /><br />i coulda died but instead i didn't<br />you're still the best idea i ever had, Max<br /><br />we all make the decisions we can't resist around here.<br />if you aren't home yet you are chickencrickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-17336057858829237152010-11-03T10:50:00.000-07:002010-11-03T10:53:55.742-07:00the FURY and the FURY or the Unbearable Hardness of Beingliving in the moment and this one<br /><br />really really really<br />really<br />sucks.<br /><br /><br />if i can't feel better i'd rather feel murderous. and i do.<br /><br />party of one. nobody came because no one is invited.<br /><br />come over and throw your firearms around me....crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-73312671998809021042010-10-05T19:06:00.000-07:002010-10-05T19:16:40.425-07:00SAY WE CAN. SAY WE WILL.i never worried about what could give me cancer. <br />i still don't. <br />you know what's cancerous? <br />me. <br />you know what's worse for you than smoking? <br />chemotherapy. <br />you know what's worse for you than chemotherapy?<br />worry.<br />my doctors are professionals.<br />but so am i. <br />i am a peerless hostess. <br />a considerate hedonist. <br />a great dancer.<br />Max's mom.<br />i fight like a brave, i never say die.<br />no doubt, not just another drop in the ocean.crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-48648389581089603482010-09-14T12:07:00.000-07:002010-09-14T12:14:04.091-07:00EASY SKAN KING<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj60W-Rax2C4zOXHZ9wMt6TojPONh59XftMO1t1FyxqtO8wTfdupgu0jHmJAn6WSaXprCVVzp7OjbpAipn_645AHXL5ILlVvzjtxaudIEuFy9TfvPHRES-Nco812qieKgWFdIqCu76DPCpC/s1600/100_1553.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj60W-Rax2C4zOXHZ9wMt6TojPONh59XftMO1t1FyxqtO8wTfdupgu0jHmJAn6WSaXprCVVzp7OjbpAipn_645AHXL5ILlVvzjtxaudIEuFy9TfvPHRES-Nco812qieKgWFdIqCu76DPCpC/s320/100_1553.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516848411370156354" /></a><br /><br />slow food.crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-57616896723272066382010-09-03T15:19:00.000-07:002010-09-03T15:57:26.212-07:00the Sucky Side of Life or Baby Teeth.isolation is one of the chief complaints of new mothers. it's like growing into clipped wings. life is much bigger and much smaller when you are seeing it with a 15 pound brand new life-form struggling to speak with two new teeth in your arms. the spot between your shoulder blades develops a real deep ache.<br /><br />i have a cavity. again. i really should have been denied teeth. <br /> <br />for almost a year now i have been a financial vacuum sucking thousands of dollars away from every single person i love. it's lucky i was raised to believe that money isn't that important if you have good relationships. and i am successful by me and my parents standards because i do have good relationships with almost everyone i've met. <br /><br />because i am still too sick to work i have been trying to stay on top of housework and be as pleasant a roommate/sister/daughter/mother as i can. this is how i intend to earn my keep. i've always loved and nurtured my lazy streak and my love of a life of leisure because i have also maintained financial independence and what i thought was a solid work ethic. i'm sure i'm not the hardest worker but i am reliable and happy and usually funny too. <br /><br />however...<br />housework is a full-time job if you look at it. there's no room for my life of leisure. because work doesn't stay at work if you've made home your work. and the isolation....<br /><br />it's not that i'm lonely or bored. i'm great company and most of the time so is Max and we get lots of visitors. isolate means to set apart. i have felt set apart almost my whole life. i guess it is to be a theme.<br /><br />i feel shitty whining when there's such a fierce storm outside. but my mom's garden is full of weeds and i know it's my fault.crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-18719098502100629072010-08-30T14:09:00.000-07:002010-08-30T14:17:39.915-07:00happy xmas (war is over)my last chemo was on august 26th.<br /><br />i don't know the whole story. i don't even know half of it. <br /><br />real real tired. <br /><br />definitely an adult-sized dose.<br /><br />Max has two teeth. i have too many no matter how many i pull out. <br /><br />i know too much for polite conversation. i am too sick to be fine. too sad to be angry. too tough to die. too bored to cry. <br /><br />i know enough to know this isn't over.crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-2845679238260076542010-08-30T14:02:00.000-07:002010-08-30T14:09:35.461-07:00THRIFTINESS IS NEXT TO GODLINESS...is my new blog.<br />it is not about cancer.<br /><br />iamawomannow.blogspot.comcrickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-3302262865137891722010-08-21T17:46:00.000-07:002010-08-21T17:56:42.467-07:00can I Graduate?i been trying to fashion some sort of handle on this situation. it's okay. i'm flexible. inhale exhale. let go let go let go. i'm still me. i'm probably more myself than i was before? ? when i was reduced to skin and bones and fetus and blind optimism i had no choice but to survive and bring Max in this world with every fiber of my being. to be honest... it was easy. because it was all i had to do. <br /><br />remission? i wanna be in you.crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-48792095174595095772010-08-13T15:24:00.000-07:002010-08-13T15:28:45.972-07:00I'm a Pepperhow in the world do you lose everything only to end up on top with every dream come true? how do you keep your cool in this situation? how do you not get cancer? tell me it involves Dr. Pepper. <br /><br />how will i ever top this past year?<br /><br />oh right. by getting everything back in it's right place. duh.<br /><br />also who do i date now? ha.crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-71337545343128705652010-07-28T12:35:00.000-07:002010-07-28T13:12:12.572-07:00cancer patiencewhen i leave this fortress of solitude is when i will know what i've learned. i'm afraid i know too much to ever be casual again. but i can't wait to get out there because i don't think anyone can hear me from here. nothing will be the same no matter where i go. i read somewhere that all cancer patients have post-traumatic-stress-disorder. <br /><br />how many fresh fruit smoothies do i have to eat before i'm healthy again?!crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-22226125609864342042010-07-21T15:58:00.000-07:002010-07-21T16:25:24.745-07:00uncool is the new cool<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz4j8f7crb_gkLtIqU-huDN5E7-UAndbEVlcVkaPgYkGVtHZMYq_gdoUGUHttSLu0xrsHnkhV7LINGA3bRo9-lccwqwZDVFrGhnJM_OHFfv_8UfqnfAxR-3ll0YnmEOCfN_RtwSu6ZlNg4/s1600/100_1148.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz4j8f7crb_gkLtIqU-huDN5E7-UAndbEVlcVkaPgYkGVtHZMYq_gdoUGUHttSLu0xrsHnkhV7LINGA3bRo9-lccwqwZDVFrGhnJM_OHFfv_8UfqnfAxR-3ll0YnmEOCfN_RtwSu6ZlNg4/s320/100_1148.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5496504178772548194" /></a><br /><br />what kind of Belushi does this guy think he is anyway?crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-16435147080439212932010-07-17T12:20:00.000-07:002010-07-17T12:31:09.889-07:00i love just two things- everyone and televisionthe thing about getting better is that now i have to start accounting for what i do and say and get out of bed because i'm not sick i'm just depressed. <br /><br />i never felt like i fit until i started being everyone's best friend. i crash coursed myself into the center of things without ever actually feeling comfortable and accepted and exhaling. if i had sat still i would have noticed that i still didn't match anyone. and i probably never will.<br /><br />especially now that i add all these hyphenates to myself. girl-waitress-DJ-writer-singer-...cancer survivor... mother. and not just any mother, Max's mother. so just when i was almost convinced i was like anyone, that my fur might fit in with a pack, <br /><br />... i realize i am luminous. sticking out like a sore thumb again.crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-24414593877010464632010-07-08T13:31:00.000-07:002010-07-08T13:37:08.005-07:00Max's lullabyyou are my little guy<br />the brightest apple of my eye<br />i could bake you into a pie<br />but then i'd have to eat you<br /><br />your ears stick out from your head<br />and you fart when you're in my bed<br />and you nearly made me dead<br />but i had to meet you<br /><br />you'll always be by my side<br />because i'll seek you when you hide<br />you're my joy and you're my pride<br />that is why i need you<br />i had to meet you<br />and i'll never eat yooooooooucrickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-77187309425951431482010-07-03T09:48:00.000-07:002010-07-03T09:57:24.852-07:00just kidsbeing around Max all the time reminds me of my first baby boy... Jesse Lee my little brother. Sara is as much my partner in crime now as she was when we were spoiling baby Jesse just to glimpse his dimples. <br /><br />i had forgotten how much fun it is being Big Sis.crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-39360460621119317242010-06-27T10:01:00.001-07:002010-06-27T10:46:55.175-07:00i miss courtney love's old faceMax is about to start cutting teeth. so today we had a long talk about good drugs and bad drugs and life and celebrities but i disguised it all as a very funny song that made him giggle and drool. he actually just now laughed in his sleep at the TV. i love him because the Soup is really funny.<br /><br />an adorable check out girl at the drug store said she read my AZ daily star story.<br /><br />"it was really pretty."<br /><br />that's my favorite thing lately. i could've kissed her right on the mouth.crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8155149878760288122.post-51803912935410523722010-06-26T08:33:00.000-07:002010-07-01T17:17:54.437-07:00Don't You Forget About Me No No No NOdon't get me wrong. i'm real thankful i'm getting better and blah blah blah. thank you for asking. however i wrote my heart out to sharon osbourne only to receive a weak ass stamped signature (but kinda cool) glossy of ozzy and a super weak promotional postcard for his new cd. like i was seeking an autograph and not sharing the hardest parts of my life. i think i felt better when i was ignored.<br /><br />HARLEM have proved themselves a couple of bimbos for sure. i've tried to get in touch with my old pal curtis 5 times since max was born. they visited in december when everything was so scary. but i don't want to be remembered when it's scary because i'm sick. i wanna be remembered because we mixed tequila in our blood and cut our hair and wore white pants and slept around and loved music. and there's a new wolf cub in our hometown. i thought you might care. <br /><br />i wanna be on front pages. i wanna be back on stages. but not because i'm pitiful and not even because i'm strong. because of what i create and say. not because of some weak ass cancer.crickettshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08436807140126863609noreply@blogger.com2